Top 10 pet names for vagina

Well, Julieta (3) calls it her “front bottom.” I’ve told her it’s “vagina” but for some reason, that word isn’t sticking. Probably a good thing as I don’t want to have to deal with her yelling “It’s my vagina, mummy?” in the library. When I was little I was told it was my “tuppence” – not sure why but I’ve never forgotten it.

As my sister points out, most of the names for “vagina” sound harsh, angry or derogatory – the opposite of what it actually is – a warm jar of honey. Cunt. Pussy. Flange. Beaver. Gash. Snatch. Minge. Can’t say they make me visualise an orchid. Her German boyfriend calls it “Moisien Blumen” (moisture flower), which I like. It’s slightly more endearing.

If she asks again, I’ll call it by its proper name – genitals, vagina, or bottom. I’m not going to entertain “down there,” “private parts,” or “toot toot.”

There’s a Facebook group for everything and this is no exception. Here it is. Alternative names for vagina.

Here are my faves so far:

1. Moisien Blumen
2. Honey
3. Lady Garden
4. Vulva
5. Flower
6. Fanny
7. Pussy
8. Sugar
9. Peach
10.Muffin (well, it’s cute)

I’d love to know what it’s called in different cultures, so send me your thoughts.

And pleasuring the pussy? – Jill off, Stroke the Kitty, Polish the Pearl…


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