I started some sex/relationship coaching today with Dr Tara Few. We had a half-hour introductory chat to discuss areas of my relationship that I’d like to address or change. It is about having my needs met and working on recreating some of the lightheartedness and intimacy that my partner and I had at the beginning of our relationship. With a child and work in the picture, proper communication, respect, and good will sometimes get lost. It is very easy to lose sight of each other when you see each other every day, if that makes sense.
So, I feel quite positive I can make some changes with Tara’s help. She has some inciteful comments and suggestions based on an email I had sent her last week. It has made me look at things and my reactions in a new light. The main issue for me is that my partner does not enjoy kissing as much as I do and I find it hard to get turned on enough to enjoy sex when this is absent. We have spoken about this problem before and usually in a teasing or jokey manner – or with me harping on. Perhaps it’s a girl thing – most of my friends enjoy kissing – sometimes far more than sex because it is an intimate, sensual and nurturing act. Not to mention the link between the lips and genitals!
So, I know I need to be a little more pro-active on this front and not let things go that are important to me. It is hard to talk about these things sometimes and I think a third party can be helpful if you really can’t see a way through or aren’t sure how best to address a problem. I feel confident we can sort things out and happy that I have taken some baby steps today. Having set goals and giving your relationship the same amount of attention as you do your career is important but how often do we do it? It is easy to develop patterns and routines, to accept how things are, and to stop asking for what you need.
Tara suggested that we address the nurturing side of our relationship – pay attention to the good will between us, and think about the things we do together as a couple. I don’t have a problem asking for the things I need most of the time but it can be hard to do so with the person who is closest to you.
Tara has some great advice and her coaching newsletters are well worth a read if you’re interested in changing the dynamic of your relationship and how you express yourself sexually and physically with your partner. I’m looking forward to working with her on this. The coaching will help because it is giving me targets and focus for the week, and I am accountable to her so I have to take action. Making a commitment to change is empowering and it has changed the dynamic a little today. I gave him a facial for his birthday this evening – the first he has ever had and he enjoyed it. It’s been a while since we did anything nurturing like that for each other and it felt good.